Can you believe there are people in this world that don’t live their lives on social media? (Satire)

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by: Rodrick Joseph

I mean, when anything of importance in my life happens, I post it on Facebook to brag to the rest of the world. If I’m at a beautiful place, I post it on Instagram. And if it’s someone’s birthday, I have to wish them a happy birthday on Twitter with embarrassing pictures of them while their drunk. I just can’t believe there are people that are so selfish they keep their lives to themselves and are personal about things. Did it really happen unless it was on the internet for everyone to see? Are we really friends if we don’t post candid pictures of each other?

I know someone that actually calls people for their birthday’s. Are you kidding me? And did you know, that there are people that FaceTime their significant other and don’t post a screenshot on Facebook? Who the fuck are these private folks? We don’t live in 1999 anymore, we live in a world where everyone should know everyone else’s business. It’s our constitutional right to have complete and utter transparency.

I wish Trump would push laws like this through Congress. Forget health care, illegal immigration, and the legalization of marijuana, everyone should be required to post every significant event on social media. I want to know if you’re going to PF Chang’s to meet up with your high school friend that you haven’t seen in 20 years. Or, if you’re tired and are going to bed. Even if you undecided on whether or not to buy the Heinz ketchup or the store brand ketchup.

We deserve everything.


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