Guy doesn’t retweet a chain Tweet, has bad luck all of 2019. (Satire)

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by: Rodrick Joseph

April 24th, 2019.

Tom Whiteworst, unmarried and single, woke up Saturday morning after a one-night stand, made his coffee, walked outside to his patio, sat his MacBook air on a black mouse pad on his table, logged onto Twitter and proceeded to scroll through his feed.  He saw the usual, cute dog videos, kids dabbing, Kanye dying his hair, school shooting in Florida, drug bust in the local grocery store, Trump tweeting about someone. The usual.

Tom then scrolls down to a tweet shown below:

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Tom thinks nothing of it as he continues to scroll down his feed.  He sees gets the end of his morning scroll, closes his laptop and continues on with his day.

As he walks back into his house, his screen door goes off the rail and the glass cracks.  Tom thinks nothing of the tweet as it had to have been a coincidence.

Tom can’t get the door fixed for another week so he puts organized trash bags up to block the doorway.  The next morning he finds that raccoons and squirrels have broken in through the trash bags and ate all his food in the cabinets leaving only parts of the cardboard boxes and a mess to clean up.

May 19th, 2019.

Tom is getting ready to watch the finale of Game of Thrones, thunderstorm occurs undetected and fries all of his TVs in his house, as well as his internet modem.  Tom is then forced to watch the Finale on his phone, but 20 minutes into the episode, Tom’s phone, runs out of data. Tom is then spoiled by the end of Game of Thrones when he walks into work the next day as every employee is talking about it.

July 4th, 2019.

Tom is at a barbeque with his family and is getting ready to watch the fireworks.  Tom is still in denial of the bad luck caused by no retweeting the tweet on the April morning.  Tom volunteers to help set off the fireworks. Tom is given a flare to light all the fireworks. As he goes to light the fireworks the flare malfunctions and explodes in his face.  Half of Tom’s face is burnt to a crisp and he must have immediate surgery to fix his face. His insurance company won’t cover the surgery as they do not cover cosmetic surgeries. Tom must pay for all of it.

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September 5th, 2019.

Tom gets two flat tires on his way to work.  AAA comes and is unable to help him because his membership expired yesterday.  Tom must walk to work then call a towing company who charges out the buttload to get his car to a shop. Tom starts to get very suspicious about the tweet he did not retweet

November 28th, 2019.

Tom goes to urinate at his work, but there is a pain is coming from his kidney.  This persists for the next few days and Tom goes to the doctor to check it out.  The doctors say Tom has kidney stones and the only way to pass them is to take a medicine to break them down then they will pass.  After 3 very painful and irritating days. The stone pass and Tom is relieved of the pain.

Kidney_Stones

Tom is now fully aware of the tweet and his scared for his life until the end of 2019.

December 31st, 2019

Tom has kept himself sheltered for the past month with all the bad luck he has been experiencing.  Since the last major incident, only a few light bulbs have gone out, a few hangers have broke, and his upstairs sink has been clogged.  He is afraid to fix anything because he thinks it will only get worse. He has been so excited for New Year’s Eve and 2020. Constantly tweeting out. “2019 has been bad for me, hope 2020 brings a better life.” & “New year, new me.”  He’s also pledged to go on a diet as he as put on 40 lbs since that day in April.

Tom makes it to 11:00 PM and thinks he is in the clear.  11:30, Tom starts to get excited. 11:45, Tom uses a bottle opener and doesn’t cut himself while opening it. 11:58, Tom starts his countdown from this awful year.  At 11:59 Tom’s phone rings, it’s a text message from the girl he had a one night stand with back in April.

The text reads “I’m having a child, and you’re the dad.”

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The ball drops and it is now 2020.

Now when Tom scrolls through social media, he makes sure he retweets everything that he is told to retweet.  You should too.

​Satire.

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