by: Rodrick Joseph
How did people use to shit before cell phones and technology? Did they just sit there and stare at a wall? Were their shits more efficient? Has time on the shitter risen with the introduction of cellular devices?
“Oh, people read magazines and newspaper.” Okay, but they never experienced listening to music, or watching funny cat videos, or liking Instagram pictures. Magazines and newspapers, LMAO. We use those to wipe our ass nowadays.
But even before newspapers and magazines, did Johnny and George just sit in the outhouse in 90 degree weather, sweating, as the stanch on their shit grazed the long, uncut hairs in their noses? I bet half of the world was constipated during the summer months just because it was hell to go into one of those things. And just think of the people that didn’t have outhouses, were they just like, “need shit now” and squatted down wherever they were as dookie ran out their asses? History classes don’t cover shitting as much as it should. So many questions are needed to be answered.
You’re now able to be productive on the shitter. If you’re someone that cannot escape the thrill ride of your 9-5 job, you can use your Airpods and talk on the phone, or send emails, you sick fuck.
Today, shitting is the only private escape one might have in a day. And in those 15-30 minutes, the world seems at peace and in your control. Everything is quiet, your bowels are getting relief, the smell of your own shit doesn’t bother you, and you get to catch up on social media and news on your phone.
I guess you can make an argument that shitting hasn’t changed much since cell phones arrived, but they sure have made the experience much more enjoyable. (And plumbing systems, don’t forget those beautiful creations)