Category: satire

Lowe’s Cancels Father’s Day 2019

by: Rodrick Joseph Lowe’s to shut its doors before Father’s Day putting sons and daughters into turmoil. The home improvement megamall franchise announced on Friday (June 7, 2019) that it will be closing its doors on Tuesday, June 11th, 2019. This comes at an extremely inconvenient time for kids seeking out gifts for their handyman

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Elon Musk develops automatic Zamboni machine for the NHL (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph In 2020 the NHL will rocket into the new generation as they introduce the Zambomatic.  Each NHL team will receive two Zambomatic’s to shave the ice in between periods. The SpaceX CEO was interview by the NY Times and was cited saying, “I put every project on hold and this is something we are incredibly

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Joe Rogan to be first human to interview an alien on The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph After news of Navy pilots seeing UFO’s got out. (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/26/us/politics/ufo-sightings-navy-pilots.html) Word spread quickly throughout the entertainment industry and everyone wanted to get their hands on even the tiniest piece of information regarding UFOs. Well Joe Rogan, host of Fear Factor, has supposedly been in contact with an extraterrestrial and will interview him on

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News Headline in 2050: Atlanta Writer dies from unsubscribing from email ads. (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph Jan Rodgers was a writer for an Atlanta news station.  She spends most of her time on her computer, which can lead to the occasional online shopping frenzy.  Jan also checks her email frequently and noticed that her inbox was being overloaded with spam and ad emails. So, she took time out

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Brave college student survives 4 years of classes without putting a single sticker on his Laptop. (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph Chad Rosier recently graduated The Ohio State University while not putting a single sticker on his laptop.  No sticker to cover up the Apple logo, no sticker that shows his political party, no sticker to show his favorite Netflix series, no “Keep Calm and ….” sticker, and no sticker that shows what

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New Airline to Offer “First Up, First Off” Program (Satire)

by: Rodrick Joseph Airliner to offer “First up, First off” incentive on plane rides. Are you the anxious one on the flight? Or the “I was just sitting too long” person. Maybe you want to get your overhead out before someone steals it. Then look no further.  A new American airline, Asshole Airlines, is set

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Starbucks to Start Offering Environment friendly Cylindrical Dispensers

by: Rodrick Joseph Starbucks to Start offering community Cylindrical dispensers for their coffee.   In an effort to reduce waste on plastic, the environmental minds at Starbucks have come up with a fantastic idea.  Cylindrical dispensers that customers can drink in the drive-thru. These dispensers will act as common vending machines with all of Starbucks’

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Students get 5000 retweets to take Math Final

by: Rodrick Joseph May 10th, 2019. Juniors of Kimberly Anne High School were displeased when their Math teacher, Mr. Henwood, told them, “You guys have been such a good class this year, there will be no final.”  Although, the students were very concerned with their education and retaining knowledge going into their bland summer vacation. As stress

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